back to blogging

i keep a journal at a diet site i belong to but i thought it would do me some good to start blogging again. even if its only to keep me sane and to get out all the stuff that i normally keep bottled up inside.
my frustrations usually arise from one of a few areas:
1. my constant struggle to keep off the weight that i lost 7 years ago..7 years to keep off 50 pounds is a good effort but its still a battle and many days that makes me as resentful as all heck. why cant the hard work be over when you reach goal? for me the hard work started after i lost the weight and it continues.
so some days i will more than likely rant about the fact that life is unfair and why can some people eat whatever they like and remain like a stick insect where as i only need to look at the wrong food to gain weight.
2. my work- i work in a nursing home in the secure dementia wing. its certainly not for everybody but i like it there..i like it there as opposed to working in the other part of the nursing home where people have their faculties more..i find that when you are more with it you tend to ring the call bell relentlessly and be less able to accept that indeed i have 17 other people to attend to as well as you. In the dementia area they are more inclined to just go with the flow and not be aware that the call bell is there let alone what it is for. i find dealing with the oldies good for the most part, many of them are like surrogate grandparents to me seeing as my own have long gone. Some days it is hard especially when they die, i still find that hard mainly because i do let them become part of my life. i dont believe in staying detached from them. i talk to them about my family, my kids, what i do on the weekends etc. i know their childrens names and like to hear them tell stories about their lives and what they did when they were younger etc. for many of them they just want someone to be interested in them and i find you can learn so much from listening to them.
but back to why there may be some rants about work. i deal with many co-workers who are burnt out..that should have left this industry years ago. i find them frustrating and struggle to get along with them at times. i dont like the production line way of working..treating them like sheep waiting to be dipped..they are people and should be treated that way. we are privileged to work where they live and need to remember that.
3. my kids - i have 2 wonderful kids.
Cait will be 10 in July. she is a real social butterfly. she is growing up so fast and i am starting to get that panicky feeling about my little girl notbeing so little anymore and wondering where the years have gone. Caitlin is a beautiful and caring big sister to her brother who has some special needs and i only have to watch them together to know that Riley is really blessed to have been sent such a loving, patient and accepting sister.
Riley is 7 and has Apserger's syndrome which is a form of autism. The Asperger's doesnt overly affect us as a family unit but outside of the family and especially school its sometimes a source of frustration. Riles is a gorgeous, caring and very loving kid. He gets easily frustrated (just like his mum) has many wonderful friends at school and is well liked by everyone around him. He definately goes through phases with his obsessions with things ( a true Apserger's trait) at the moment it is Spiderman although TMNT and Batman are right up there.
i have days (today is one of them) where i resent the diagnosis as i feel it labels him for life and he is sometimes treated a certain way because of the Asperger's. i believe that ASD or not that he can and will achieve whatever he sets his mind to. not to say the journey will be easy but Jason and i dont want the ASD to be an excuse to not set goals and aim for what you want to achieve.
at the moment i am having some struggles with his teacher.. she has dealt with kids on the spectrum and has a i know all about it manner. i dont believe that Riley fits the mold of ASD in some regards and hence i dont want him have his expectations lowered because of it. He has just as much chance as the next kid at being able to do a task in class..just because he has ASD dont stop him from trying..dont stifle him i suppose is what i am saying.
what a long, ranting first post this is at a new blog. i promise i wont always blab on negatively..just needed to vent this today.
hugs bell :)